June already? What’s your plan?

Can you believe 2014 is already six months old?  June is already 11 days old?  Where did the time go?  Are you on track?  Anywhere close to where you wanted to be?  I’ll admit it,  I’m not.   And I won’t let it throw me much.  I’ll tweak my plans and go month to month.

My plan was in part inspired by a dream.  I’ve been back and forth to the doc and specialists (yes, plural) trying to finally figure out what all ails me.   It’s exhausting and frustrating and frightening if I K et my mind wander too much.  More so if I consult Dr. Google instead of waiting to for a specific diagnosis.   According to Google,  cold symptoms could be anything from a cold to a rare syndrome that would put someone just outside death’s door.  No one needs that kind of stress or fear without knowing what’s going on inside them.

So, back to this dream.  Of course I dreamed about a doctor visit.  I mean, it’s been at least 33% of my focus for a while now.  So, I’m waiting for the doc to walk in, and it’s Kris Carr!   You know, the woman behind Crazy, Sexy Cancer.  Her.

I was so in awe and blown away.  I think seeing her was a sign.  Not that a cancer diagnosis is looming, but that I’m doing the right thing by following up with the docs and working on healing.  Another round of physical therapy starts next today   My diet is cleaning up and even more greens are coming in.  My healthier cookbooks are my main kitchen inspiration and I’m eating to live.

There they are, two of my inspirations!

There they are, two of my inspirations!

One of my go-to's for healthy vegan eats.

One of my go-to’s for healthy vegan eats. Lindsay Nixon photo.

A fav dish from Crazy Sexy Kitchen.  Sherrie Thompson photo.

A fav dish from Crazy Sexy Kitchen.  This and the tahini dressing that is.

I'll hit the library more often than the bookstore for new inspiration.

I’ll hit the library more often than the bookstore for new inspiration.

I don’t want to just survive anymore.  I want to thrive, glow, and kick ass.

So, what’s happening with you?  Have any good dreams lately?

I hate doctors. My former doc in particular.

Nice hibachi dinner at Sake House.  Skipping the soy and other sauces
helps keep it gf, but does not guarantee there won’t be cross-contamination.

I’ve been holding back on this post for a while because I’ve been angry. No, not just angry, but dead on pissed off, ready to kick down doors and punch holes in walls. Why? Because for years I’ve been hurting and was told my two docs that I’m just fat and/or not trying hard enough. But something was very wrong and they blew me off because I was overweight. That is unacceptable.

Yes, I was (and still am) heavy, but that is not a sign of laziness or lack of trying to be healthier. I’ve tried on my own and with medical professionals to find out what could be causing some of the problems. My last doc sent me for GI films (and oh man is the Barium smoothie horrendous) and blood tests (twice without telling me to fast first) and prescribed meds left and right. When I told her I was at loss because my weight was not changing and I felt horrid (and still dealing with chronic pain), she said I needed to suck it up a work harder and that I must not be honest about what and how much I was eating. I was counting points and measuring everything. I worked out at Curves, and she said ‘only chubs go there. You need to find a real gym and really work.’ I felt stuck. I had to see a doc for help, but she wasn’t helping me. She was mocking me and blowing off my concerns because I weighed too much. I left that day and did not go back.

The past few months have been particularly bad. My migraine had gotten out of control and the scale refused to budge. My body hurt all over and my stomach was bloated and ached constantly. I had no energy and had trouble sleeping. Just fracking miserable. Veggie eating was not helping me and I kept my calories and fat in check. Nothing seemed to be working. I wanted to crawl into bed and stay there.

I broke down and called a naturopath. She told me to cut gluten because it seemed to her I might have gluten sensitivities. So I started cutting. I didn’t go completely gluten-free, but stated feeling better. I had more energy and a lot less tummy distress. And it seem to be shrinking. The scale still didn’t move, but my clothes were getting looser. Two weeks ago I went completely gf, no cheating. I had multigrain gf bread, muffins, and fantastic vegan and gf cookies from Little Whitney’s Cookies. My energy level skyrocketed, I had no headache all week (for the first time in years), no stomach issues. I ate really well and did not exercise because of a sore ankle. I switched my usual whole wheat flour and pasta for gf options and made no other changes. And I lost 8 pounds and did not have joint pain. My blood pressure was the lowest it had been in years with meds. And I cried. Then I got angry. I’ve been suffering for years and my doctors did not help me. They made me feel like a failure instead of helping me. They had me return often for drugs and abuse.

I’m getting angry all over again. Gah.

As soon as I said screw docs, I’ll do this on my own, I felt a little better. I called a naturopath when what I did stopped working, and she helped me more after one consultation that my former docs did in 8 years. The moral of the story? Trust your gut! You know when something is off, so do not let the doc tell you it’s nothing. Do some research (real research, not fly-by-night stuff), talk to people dealing with whatever you’re dealing with, and go from there.

And once you cut gluten, do not follow my example and allow a cheat day. One meal off track and I’ve been feeling it for days.   Next time I crave a Bloody Mary, I’ll make it at home with Grey Goose and the mixers from scratch.  Owww.