Starting over, breaking habits, feeling good and bad

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Warning – little sleep, pain meds, and a wandering mind are responsible for the oddly flowing post. It makes sense, but isn’t as pretty to look at as I’d like.

It’s been a while. Too long, really.

I’ve been journaling haphazardly offline and not feeling up to sharing online. Why? Because I’d lost control. Earlier today I lost control for a bit but was able to stop myself.

Strangely enough I’m eating mostly healthy food when I lose control. My tastes have changed I suppose. Sugar is still my number one craving, but until a few days ago I had those cravings under control.

I’m not counting points as much as I’m watching portions. I’m getting whole grains, fruit, and vegetables more than anything else. I am truly digging my morning oatmeal with a little ground flax and maple syrup. Fruit is working really well as a snack. And big ol‘ salads are the norm now. I still get my junk in, but nowhere near as much. Ad I keep my handy dandy mug-o-water nearby and drain it at least twice a day..

The South Beach 100 calorie pack of dark chocolate covered soynuts is divine. Too bad hubby likes them an have finished them off. Grrr. He supposedly hated dark chocolate.

I’ve lost 8 pounds this past 3 weeks. It looks like it might be 8 pounds for the month. No complaints.

As for exercise, I’m having to slow down again. My knees this time. Arthritis at 39 sucks! My right side is beginning to stiffen up, so Sherrie will be more balanced in stiffness. I’m not whining s much as bitching. Not a ‘poor me’ attitude,more of an ‘oh crap.’ I’m still smiling, though. Before this latest flareup I had worked up to 3 miles a day 5 mornings a week. I’ve always had a fairly quick pace, so I’m getting my sweat on early. I was, anyway.

But, no matter how down I get, I remember that there is a healthier Sherrie inside me. She’s not hiding as much as she used to. We should all let our inner goddess out more often.

Tini, thanks for inspiring me to get back on here. Much appreciated my friend!

So much for playtime, eh?

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Settling in has been a bigger job than anticipated. We decided to paint the dining and living rooms later and hubby has been looking at new colors! I might have to strangle him of he changes on me since it took forever to choose the colors we did. He’s thinking about wainscoting again because he saw one that jumped out at him. Never mind that it doesn’t quite fit with our decor….Men I tell ya!

On the health front, I’ve had good and bad days. I cannot exercise for more than a few minutes and am not allowed to lift more than 10 pounds. Well, I got cocky and moved boxes yesterday. Not because I wanted to prove anything, but because I couldn’t stand looking at or subbing my toes on them anymore. One the bright side I got two more boxes out of here altogether & got my holiday stuff into the attic. On the down side, I hurt. Really hurt. But I don’t want to eat the hurt away. That’s something, right?

I rarely have an appetite these days. I eat because I have to and nothing really has any flavor. I feel a funk coming on and need to shake it.

I’ve gained a few pounds – back to 228. I need to regain control and have been doing a little better every day. I’m journaling offline, writing everything down; setting and reaching daily goals. It’s not starting that hurts me, but staying on track. Since exercise is off the table for the time being, I’ll be counting points full time.

School starts next week and that means healthier food for all of us. More fruits and veggies, more balance, more harmony. It could not come at a better time! DD’s excited about high school & DSS is stoked about being a senior in elementary school. I’m looking forward to the quiet while I work, lol.

Anyway, I’ve missed posting here and will be back in regular fashion soon. I know I’ve said that before; sue me.

Until then, be well.

Long time no update.

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I don’t have much playtime these days, but that will change somewhat after finals next week.

We closed on the house & have started on the makeover. I’ll share pics soon. We’ve picked our paint colors, have kick butt hardwoods that need just a little love (30+ years under a carpet will keep ’em pretty). DD wants a black carpet and lavender walls – we can do that. DS wants royal blue & an area rug. Hubster & I are going with cafe a lait and a reddish accent wall.

We’re packing and cleaning, all excited and just plain happy. I’m fighting through a flareup from hell. ON Tuesday and Wednesday I repeatedly lost my balance while standing still. Joyous. It’s a sign that I need to go back in for another evaluation. Last time I was told that if things didn’t improve that surgery was my only option.

Oh f*ckity f*ck f*ck.

The family knows I’m having a flareup, but don’t know how bad it is yet. I know I should tell them, but summer is almost over, we’re starting a new chapter of our lives, and I don’t want to deal with the same questions and odd behavior thrown my way right after my diagnosis. What I really want is them happy until things slow down a bit.

If there was a time for comfort food, it’s now. I’ve been pretty good about that this past week. We had coconut cake and I didn’t have more the one slice a day and I didn’t have a slice every day. I made a wicked vegetable stew for dinner the other night and wallowed in it’s almost fat free, decadent, old school goodness. I followed the recipe from the winter 2007 issue of Don’t Eat Off the Sidewalk and added celery and green peas. The dumplings I didn’t like much (never have) so I only had the one (about the size of a half dollar coin).

As much as food could be used to comfort me, I won’t use it that way. I’m going to be on crutches soon enough at this rate – I don’t need to use food as one. Or alcohol. I’m so tempted.

I’m probably going to disappear for a day or two while I complete assignments and get more moving stuff out of the way.

Until next time.

7th day – my day off!

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Well, sorta off. I’m not going to actively work out, but I have packing, cleaning, and laundry to do. Strength training and walking. The dumpster is a couple minutes away from our place, so toting multiple bags of trash will work my arms and shoulders. Laundry involves a bit of bending and reaching on top of lifting the baskets. And oh man do we have some baskets to lift!

As for food, I need to go shopping. I have beans on hand and some GimmieLean sausage and homemade taco tvp/nutmeat left over, but just enough for another day or two. I need to grab some protein and veggies.

Monday has always been my weigh in day, so I’m keeping it. Tomorrow I’ll post my loss (I don’t think I have one) or gain (I hope I don’t have one) and reevaluate how I’ve eaten and what I can do to change things.

One thing I need to do is get rid of my triggers. I’ve been craving sugar lately and have eaten sweets. but I didn’t go over in points. I know the difference between a good choice and a bad one, but lately I’ve been working overtime to fit a desired food into my day without going over. I’m not beating myself up, but damn! I have learned to cheat without cheating and it always bites me in the butt. It’s annoying and frustrating.

When I eat things that don’t agree with me I feel ick. I’m bloated, gassy, and miserable. I’m kinda feeling that way right now and had a decent breakfast (Mexican omelet – 2 eggs, taco nut meat, onion, jalapeno, & salsa with water and a cup of coffee) and somewhat naughty snack (small slice coconut cake with water).

Groan….
Whine….
Whimper….

K, done. Time to snap out of it and fix what I’m doing wrong. I know what’s wrong and need to stop ignoring it and fix it. I grab certain foods out of habit, not hunger. Until I can get better control when it comes to those foods, I won’t bring them home. If the sweet craving hits, a square of dark chocolate or sugar free pudding will be my fix. Or fruit with (coconut) cream or yogurt.

I feel better. And it didn’t take a week of moping to do so.

Day six – gloomy and gray out

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Yay, the first tropical storm to threaten the US is a mere 100 miles away. I’m not worried about it because I’m too busy stressing about the closing on Thursday. It’s just gloomy out at the moment, no rain or wind. The dogs didn’t want to stay outside and that bugs me a little. Maybe they know something I don’t. Or maybe they hate the neighbors.

Day 6 of 8MM went well. I’m looking forward to the day off, but it won’t really be a day off because more cleaning and semi-heavy lifting will be in order. Yep, still packing and cleaning.

Tonight is Anime Night and that usually means a theme dinner. I’m not sure if we’ll do Mexican, Greek, Asian, or something else. Breakfast for dinner always appeals to me. I’m just going to go go with the flow.

Day four – feeling great!

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Got in a 30 minute walk and my 8MM this morning. I can’t believe I went walking so early, but it’s supposed to be hot today and I have a lot to do. It feels good to be on track with food and exercise.

My brother and sister-in-law called last night to invite me to go with them to a Weight Watchers meeting. Yep, after talking to my bro on and off for a couple of years and trying to get him to go with me, he’s joined. She lost 9 pounds and he lost 7. They’re excited and both feel that this will last a lifetime. I’m thrilled for them.

The Emmy nominations just aired. Woohoo Michael C. Hall & Dexter! Woohoo Neil Patrick Harris (Doogie)! Woohoo The Office!

Today’s plans include classwork, cooking (which I didn’t get to do yesterday), cleaning, packing, and torturing the kiddos. We also have a few things Tivo’d to take out before we move, so our weekend entertainment is set. I will happily pack while watching Saw 3.

Almost forgot – another reason to turn on the oven

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This mac & cheez from VegNews. I’ve been playing with different variations of vegan mac & cheez and think I’ll give this one a shot. So far my fav has been from the Fat Free Vegan Kitchen with a lightened version of The New Farm’s recipe running a close second. Especially when either diced tomatoes or broccoli are tossed in – yummy!

And what did I see when I went to FFVK to grab the link? Blueberry Oat Bars! OMG, I’ve got to make these! I have everything for them on hand. See, this wahm has been seriously craving sugar – so much that the kids’ Nutri-Grain bars are looking good. I’ve always thought they should have more filling (and a name that truly reflects what they are, bigger fig newtons with non-fig fillings). The blueberry oat bars might just do the trick.

Dang! Hubster has jury duty tomorrow. Pooh!

Wednesday day 3

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Whew! It’s hot out and inside today. I’ve been cleaning and packing pretty much since I crawled out of bed this morning. I got in my 8MM and after all this heavy lifting I think I may make tomorrow my day off instead of Sunday. Maybe. I haven’t decided yet.

Food has been ok, but I’ve had to make myself eat because I haven’t been hungry. For dinner tonight we’re having pasta with a garden vegetable sauce and a zucchini, garlic, tomato, and onion saute on the side. I’m going to water saute them and add a little oil just before serving, either a drizzle of olive or flax oil. I’d planned to make either pumpkin or flax muffins too, but it’s too frickin hot! Maybe after the sun sets I’ll go for it.

Where does DS get the frickin energy? He’s making me tired – biking, two basketball games, and now fooling about with his RC car – all in the three hours. Gah!

I may be back later; undecided.

Tuesday, day two

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Got in a 15 minute walk and my 8MM day two! I’m not sure what I’m having for breakfast this morning. I threw together a lunch for hubby and am thinking toward lunch and dinner. I’m getting hungry, so I have to eat something. I’m leaning toward either a smoothie or grits and an egg.

Yep, still struggling with veganism. It would help if I’d remember to grab certain things at the store. Like tofu & TVP. It would help more if Publix carried TVP so I wouldn’t have to go to Whole Foods or Earth Fare where I’m tempted to buy a little of everything.

DSS will be here to see his new room and get it the way he wants it! I was kind of worried he’d have to go back to his mom’s before we could get it just right, but nope! Yeah!

9 days until closing. OMG!