The new normal

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My wonky spine is misbehaving at the moment

What does normal look like to you? Running errands, work, fun times, housework, tv or movies, repeat? This was my normal, even when health issues started flaring up. I had to cut back somewhere, so I cut my solo fun and tv/movie time so I’d have energy for the other things. That’s what chronic illness does. It forces you to choose one thing in place or another based on recovery time, the level of guilt you’d feel for letting someone down or letting something fall to the wayside. It sucks, but it is what it is.

It is literally that choice most of the time. We’re not antisocial. We’re not lazy. Telling us we’re either of those things does not result in a sudden burst of energy. It tells us who you are and that you may not have our well-being in mind.

Do I still try to do all the things? Sometimes. Do I regret it? Most of the time. Am I sitting here today wishing I had more energy and wondering why an hour at Costco yesterday has me so wiped still? Absolutely. This is normal for me now. In a bit, my hands will stop cooperating and I will need to call my workday to a close. Why? Because if I don’t, I will be unable to use my hands for much else today. I need to get some chopping and cleaning done. And that depends on how much my body will cooperate overall. This is surviving. Thriving? Not at the moment, but ask me another day.

Until next time, be good to yourself. I have a few recipes that I’m playing with and I’ll share them once I have them down. Take care.

Human Barometer and yoga

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I think that my new nickname should be Human Barometer. It doesn’t matter how good I’m feeling or moving when the changes in barometric pressure are dramatic.

It always starts in my ankles. They feel a little tight, but not tight enough for a support or anything. I’ve I’d been training, I usually chalk it up to that. Then my knees get sore. That makes me check the weather a little more closely. If I see rain in the forecast, I know what is on the way and get out the turmeric and Aleve.

Once my hip and spine stiffen and go from an ache to throbbing pain, it’s on. So much on. Right now I’m typing this in a recliner with my back, neck, and head firmly against the back of the chair, legs raised in a partial recline. It’s the only comfortable position at the moment. My ribs, elbows, wrists, and shoulders are feeling it now, too. Tropical Storm Cindy is not heading my way (be safe, y’all), but I feel it anyway. Rain is coming ad we’ve had some here in Charleston since Sunday night’s thunderstorm.

Weather-related pain flare aside, I will get in some yoga today. It is International Yoga Day after all. I recognize my current limits and have a mix of workouts in my arsenal. I also know that I will always have a dog on my yoga mat if I step away.  16422838_10154381378520679_8437767875822278167_oFlexibility training helps make these bad days easier and make good days better.

Between yoga and walking, I am getting stronger physically. It just doesn’t feel like it on days like this. I’m trying not to fall into the pit that seems to open up whenever a flare is extended. Spoonies, you get me, right?

Happy Wednesday, Happy Solstice, and Happy International Yoga Day! May it be amazing!

Healing by any means

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No, this is not another ‘no longer vegan,’ posts.  It’s just a commentary on trying work around meds and supplements that aren’t exactly veg-friendly. 

It’s a struggle,  y’all.  Not sticking to my way of eating, but trying to find vegan supplements and meds.  I’ve found many that work, but not all are veg-friendly.   Does it make me less compassionate?   No.  It means I’m one of the many dealing with this.

If you choose to judge me based on this mindset, so be it. Step into  body on a high pain day(well, week)  and talk to me afterward.  I’m doing what needs to be done while I find the optimal balance.

Does it mean veg-friendly instead of certified vegan supplements?   If the veg-friendly products work best, yes.  Does it mean dealing with meds that have no vegan alternative?   Yes, unfortunately.   Does it make me sad?  Yes.

I need to keep it together while on the journey.   On days like today, that means healing by any means necessary.

Having a bad night

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I need to just write a while to keep things honest.

It’s been a good weekend so far.  The pre – holiday food shopping is done, hubs had an extra day off, I completed training on a new project, and the weather’s been great.

It’s been a busy day, so I’m not upset about needing a little extra time to wind down.  Then the pain creeped up a little.   I started deep breathing, but needed something more.  I took Advil and Melatonin,  then went to bed.

I laid here a while, started deep breathing again, then realized I needec zometjing stronger than Advil.  I took half a dose of something stronger and went back to bed.

Out of nowhere,  my hands hands began to ache.  I looked down to see the puffy knuckles of arthritis and Fibro.

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I’m covered in pain relied cream, full of pain relievers, and still feeling 80% of the pain that forced me to reach for the meds.

Nights like this make me sad.  It’s frustrating how quickly a pain flare can steal my joy.  My mind wanders to thoughts of what the next 10 years could bring.  My spine is already 20 years older than my chonological age.  I’m already having trouble with my grip.  Fear clouds my thoughts and blocks the light.

But I can see the sun.  I refuse to let the clouds steal it from me.  I will have bad times, but there will be good times, too.  I just to ride it out.  After some sleep.

Here’s to better days.

 

Inside a Fibro flare

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All pain sucks.  It sucks the energy out of the body and mind.  Extended pain due to injuries takes a toll on the injured.  Days (or weeks) of pain seem impossible to handle until the pain eases as the injury heals.  With spinal issues, I ache daily.  When Fibromyalgia rears its ugly head, it’s agony.  Before it fully attacks, Fibro toys with me.  It pokes, prods, and smacks at different body parts before jumping on full force.  Fibromyalgia makes pain worse.

The early indications of a fibro flare throw my days off.  Yesterday started off great.  We attended the boy’s apprenticeship signing ceremony and had a fairly relaxing morning after that.  By early afternoon,  a dizzy spell hit that took me out for a few hours.  Out cold.  I didn’t see it coming.  By early evening,  my ankle began to tingle.  Tingle isn’t the right word, exactly.   The pain fell between a tingly sensation and pins and needles.   When it happened,  I knew – June’s flare is coming.

This morning,  on went the anke support.  Suppirts ease the pain and keeps those joints stable.  By 9 am, the knees, elbow, and shoulder tingling kicked in. All at once, the discomfort level rose.  I made a note to change my training plans (no lifting) and took the preemptive dose of anti-inflammatory herbs and meds.  By 10:30, my overall pain level went from 3 to 7 as my spine joined the pain party.  I had to switch from a seated to reclining position for work.  By day’s end, I’ll resort to prescription medication and an early bedtime.

The pain will either increase or remain at the 8-9 range for a few days.  Light either annoys me or hurts.  Sunglasses outdoors are a must, even if I’m in the yard with the dogs.  Otherwise,  it feels like heat rays boring into my brain.  There is no movement without pain and no comfortable position.   I’ll smile and socialize, but I’d rather be aslleep until the the flare passes.  I’ll eat because I have to,  not because I’ll want to or enjoy it.

Within a week, the pain level will drop to the 5-7 range with occasional spikes to 7-9.  Within two weeks,  I’ll be back to my usual self.  Some flares end sooner while others drag on for weeks.  While the general symptoms stay about the same,  something new pops up from time to time.  In May, it was a shap, stabbing pain in my hip sockets.

That’s what it’s like for me when a flare strikes.  If someone you know mentions a flare, be kind.  They’re not trying to blow you off.  Pain makes people angry, sad, frustrated,  and forgetful.  And hopefully,  it’s only temporary.

Until next time, I may or may not be in a blanket fort with a book or two and the Roku remote.  Peace.