Category Archives: epiphany

Out of spoons

Hi, all.  This is me, out of spoons.

I am exhausted,  in pain, uninspired,  and done.  At least right now.  Weeks of running around almost daily is kicking my butt.  I slept past noon and want to go back to bed.  I know I have things to do, but I fracking cannot.  I don’t have the energy to fake it today.   And that’s okay.

Do not forget to take care of yourself.   Sometimes that means taking the time for a nap, sleeping in,  or anime marathon if and when you need it.

So here I am.  Not faking it.  Hope you’re having a better day.

Overfed and Undernouished

Part vent, part epiphany.  Oh, and a request for a swat on my hand or bottom if you see me slipping into destructive behavior.

Yep, that’s been my way of eating for years now.  On and off that is.  First it was about money and later about convenience.  When I focused on speed or cost more than getting what my body needed, I ate too much to help quench my hunger without giving my body the nutrition it needed.  And I gained.  A lot.

The various eating plans and diets I’ve tried over the past 15-20 years have taught me what works for me and what doesn’t.  I know meat doesn’t work for me.  I hate the thought of it and hate how it makes me feel more.  I love carby, yeasty, and wheaty goodness, but it does not like me at all.  And cheese used to be my beloved, but alas it broke my heart.

What does work for me is produce and lots of it.  Produce and protein.  It’s simple, right?  I mean, beans, greens, fruit, and nuts.  Why does this scare me so much?  Why do I fall back on goodies and are so bad for me?  I know what I have to look forward to when I deviate (and I’m feeling some of that right now), so why torture myself?

Well, partly because I’m feeling lazy.  I’m fighting off something nasty (chest colds, woohoo – not) and want to reach for my old favorite comfort foods.  So I did.  Two sandwiches and two days and I feel horrendous. On top of the elephant sitting on my chest, I have blocked sinus and a migraine.  Were those grilled cheese sammys worth this?  Today, nope, but at the time, yes.  I know better, dammit!

I also torture myself because part of me feels like I’ll spend too much money on food.  This is a dumb one I’ve debunked several times.  It’s cheaper overall when I eat what’s good for me because the ingredients are cheaper (and better) than the packaged versions of kinda food-like substances.  What I feel guilty about is the amount of Gardein and Boca I snagged before going gluten-free. Hubs said he’d happily eat them, and I know he will.  I just feel bad about how much I spent.  I can’t get it back, so I need to let it go.

I promised an epiphany, didn’t I?  Well, I realized I know what works.  Instead of searching for a new answer, I need to get back to basics.  Shopping in season and preparing good food.  That’s it.  Summertime harvests make a huge difference for me.  I love the colors and selection of produce this time of year.  Focus on that, throw in some nuts, seeds, and other forms of protein, and I’m golden.  Avoid gluten and dairy and the headaches and joint pain will ease to manageable levels – if I hurt at all.  Keep sugar intake down (especially easy with all the berries and melon around) and I’ll feel even better.

Wow, I’m chatty today, headache and all.

If you see me out and about, say hi.  And if I need a gentle swat on the hand or bottom, please remind me that I asked for them.

And speaking of bottoms, mine is still getting firmer and higher.  Yeah, baby!  The scale is holding firm, but the body is firming up.  I’ll take that as a win.  

Peace, all.