back pain

June already? What’s your plan?

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Can you believe 2014 is already six months old?  June is already 11 days old?  Where did the time go?  Are you on track?  Anywhere close to where you wanted to be?  I’ll admit it,  I’m not.   And I won’t let it throw me much.  I’ll tweak my plans and go month to month.

My plan was in part inspired by a dream.  I’ve been back and forth to the doc and specialists (yes, plural) trying to finally figure out what all ails me.   It’s exhausting and frustrating and frightening if I K et my mind wander too much.  More so if I consult Dr. Google instead of waiting to for a specific diagnosis.   According to Google,  cold symptoms could be anything from a cold to a rare syndrome that would put someone just outside death’s door.  No one needs that kind of stress or fear without knowing what’s going on inside them.

So, back to this dream.  Of course I dreamed about a doctor visit.  I mean, it’s been at least 33% of my focus for a while now.  So, I’m waiting for the doc to walk in, and it’s Kris Carr!   You know, the woman behind Crazy, Sexy Cancer.  Her.

I was so in awe and blown away.  I think seeing her was a sign.  Not that a cancer diagnosis is looming, but that I’m doing the right thing by following up with the docs and working on healing.  Another round of physical therapy starts next today   My diet is cleaning up and even more greens are coming in.  My healthier cookbooks are my main kitchen inspiration and I’m eating to live.

There they are, two of my inspirations!

There they are, two of my inspirations!

One of my go-to's for healthy vegan eats.

One of my go-to’s for healthy vegan eats. Lindsay Nixon photo.

A fav dish from Crazy Sexy Kitchen. Sherrie Thompson photo.

A fav dish from Crazy Sexy Kitchen.  This and the tahini dressing that is.

I'll hit the library more often than the bookstore for new inspiration.

I’ll hit the library more often than the bookstore for new inspiration.

I don’t want to just survive anymore.  I want to thrive, glow, and kick ass.

So, what’s happening with you?  Have any good dreams lately?

Nothing like a kick in the gut to slow you down

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In may case, it was a popping followed by searing, shooting pain.  I’m sitting back with an ice pack, counting the minutes until hubs returns home so I can hit the spot with Arnica.  Yes, it’s my back again.  Spasm central.  It makes me wonder if I’m cursed or not.

What kills me is how it came about.  We took down the tree, cleaned a bit, and moved the hutch base without issue.  The second I reach a few inches for a piece of paper, pop, shoot, sear, scream.

I will not let this keep me down!  I will not eat the pain away.  I will not drink the pain away.   I will meditate, medicate when necessary, and heal.  I still want to walk that bridge and will.   I have plenty of time until the race (and before the participant cap is met).  If I have to walk after the race, so be it. It does not mean I failed.  It means I’m being smart and realistic about recovery.

Now off I go.  Peace.

I admit it. I am chronic pain’s bitch.

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And oh man am I getting my ass kicked right now.  In addition to my usual pain, my clumsy side decided I needed more pain.  I stepped on a dog bone, slipped on my naked floors, and hit hard.  And bounced.  I haven’t bounced before because I can usually catch myself.  My head bounced and I could swear I heard a crack.  No fear, the head and floor are intact.

You know it’s bad when the dogs go silent.  I got up, crawled to the couch, climbed up, and laid there for a couple of hours.

You know how moms try to do everything while trying to keep her issues to herself?  That’s me to a point.  I got up, made dinner, and kept fairly quiet about how much it hurt.  I felt a little better on Saturday and ran errands on Sunday.  That was unwise.  My pain went from 7 to 11 on the 1-10 scale and all I want to to is sleep.  Crying takes too much energy.

I hate being a downer.  Hate it!  I hate being stuck.  I know what happens when I push too hard instead of listening to my body, but I did it anyway.  I do it anyway.  And I end up here yet again; in pain, hating every second of it.

Whine over.

Fluctuating weight, freaky nightmares, pain, & cookbooks

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Interesting title, eh? Well, I awakened in a panic, panting, and thrilled to realize it was just a dream.  I won’t bore you with details, but I had a crazy, super-powered vertical leap and had to save the family from zombie robots. Now to better topics.

I lost another pound this week, and it seems my rate of loss has slowed.  I have an idea on one of the reasons; stress.  Stress occasionally makes me eat mindlessly, but this time it hasn’t.  It made me reach for comfort food in general.  Hey, I see not overindulging as a huge plus.  I know why I reached for those foods, I just need to make sure that they are the healthier versions of my favorite go-to dishes. Between playing with recipes online (thanks Happy Herbivore and Tess Challis), I have been tweaking goodies from cookbooks past and present.

Oh, the cookbooks!  I made a trip to the main Charleston County library and went a little crazy in the cooking session. I checked out some oldies but goodies.  Linda Mccartney’s Home Cooking,The Real Food Daily Cookbook: Really Fresh, Really Good, Really Vegetarian, and two from Dr. Neal Barnard, Foods That Fight Pain: Revolutionary New Strategies for Maximum Pain Relief and Turn Off the Fat Genes: The Revolutionary Guide to Losing Weight.  I’d originally stopped by for Eat For Health: Lose Weight, Keep It Off, Look Younger, Live Longer (2 book set), but it was already checked out. I should have requested it.  Anyway, I’ve already blown through Linda’s and have to pick up a few more ingredients for Real Food Daily before I can go nuts there.  

Oh, if you want to check out recipes before I post here, check out my Examiner column or Facebook Examiner page.  I have quite a few articles, recipes, and photos to post there. 

The reason I’m working through Banard’s books?  The insane amount of pain I have to work through a couple times a month.  If I can successfully manage the pain without the drugs that make me loopy, I can eventually heal.  Hopefully naturally.  Right now the pain has spread to my neck, and that terrifies me.  When I don’t hurt, I want to cook, move, and do all the things I need to do in order to improve my health.  But when I’m in the middle of a major flare up, just leave me in the dark corner, please. 

Wow, I just realized that it’s 1 am.  This Wahm is sleepy once more, so I think I’m going to call it a night.  Nite, all.

Thank you fallen soldiers and their families for your sacrifice.  I don;t think my appreciation for you all is deep enough at times, but it is deep.

So much for playtime, eh?

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Settling in has been a bigger job than anticipated. We decided to paint the dining and living rooms later and hubby has been looking at new colors! I might have to strangle him of he changes on me since it took forever to choose the colors we did. He’s thinking about wainscoting again because he saw one that jumped out at him. Never mind that it doesn’t quite fit with our decor….Men I tell ya!

On the health front, I’ve had good and bad days. I cannot exercise for more than a few minutes and am not allowed to lift more than 10 pounds. Well, I got cocky and moved boxes yesterday. Not because I wanted to prove anything, but because I couldn’t stand looking at or subbing my toes on them anymore. One the bright side I got two more boxes out of here altogether & got my holiday stuff into the attic. On the down side, I hurt. Really hurt. But I don’t want to eat the hurt away. That’s something, right?

I rarely have an appetite these days. I eat because I have to and nothing really has any flavor. I feel a funk coming on and need to shake it.

I’ve gained a few pounds – back to 228. I need to regain control and have been doing a little better every day. I’m journaling offline, writing everything down; setting and reaching daily goals. It’s not starting that hurts me, but staying on track. Since exercise is off the table for the time being, I’ll be counting points full time.

School starts next week and that means healthier food for all of us. More fruits and veggies, more balance, more harmony. It could not come at a better time! DD’s excited about high school & DSS is stoked about being a senior in elementary school. I’m looking forward to the quiet while I work, lol.

Anyway, I’ve missed posting here and will be back in regular fashion soon. I know I’ve said that before; sue me.

Until then, be well.